Is it that other time of the year yet?

Good grief! I hate this time of year! Without fail there is something at this time of year that causes some severe exhaustion of all types. I'm ready for it to be over. Granted, high school swim is over, well it is for my kids anyway. Theres a dram of joy.

Ok, I may be overstating things a little. Region was a blast from the past. Several of the kids that I worked with personally did very well. Our distance swimmer even took eigth in his event, if I remember correctly. The only real problem with the whole thing was that it was so exhausting. I felt as if I had been swimming in the meet again, rather than just simply helping everyone stay calm and nearly losing my voice!

The day after was a very bittersweet day for all of us on the JV team. It was the end of 'our' team. Coach Poole likely will not be with us next year, and most if not all of our swimmers will move on to varsity. None of which is a bad thing, it just means that we will never have a year like this again. I think that most of us enjoyed this season in ways that we didnt think we could. Even the old veterans of all things swim team couldn't have anticipated everything that happened. even through the rough we came together and make it a positive experience for everyone. Everyone who put effort in that is.

As one last huzzah for the year the kids made sure that Poole and I ended up in the pool. It was great fun, and they were very considerate about the whole thing. They gave us plenty of warning, and asked several times if we had removed our cell phones and other such devices from our persons. They even gave me time to take off a nice shirt that I really didnt want getting ruined by chlorine. Admittedly.... several of the boys are near six feet tall and they were lifting the chairs we were sitting on above their heads. That was a little scary. Did you know that jeans grow when they get soaked? You do now. I'm almost positive someone got pictures and or video of what happened. If I can I might put those up here... maybe.

As part of my attempt to change things in life, I decided to give myself a new look. Its not so far off what has happened in the past, however, this time instead of letting sun and chlorine do the the work over several monts. Nope this time I went to a friend going to cosmetology school and said hey do something with my hair. She was very excited about the whole thing. Especially after she started coloring my hair.

Yeppers! I know have blonde highlights. I've also decided that the next time I do this, I will have them dye my hair darker than my natural color; maybe even black. That way the contrast will be a little more clear.

Either way, she really liked it. No one else has seen it in person, though there are a few that have seen pictures of it. We'll have to wait and see how things go over the next week or so. I ran into an old friend from highschool that is determined to get me out onto the social scene again. So in theory I'll be out and about. Stepping out of my comfort zone, meeting new people, maybe a few cuties even. Well... I'll keep my fingers crossed on that one.

This whole stepping out into the world thing has me worried though. Last time I was social on a regular basis it was because of school, and I didnt have much choice. But since graduation, I've felt as though the system no longer has a firm hold on me. The system 'them' 'the experts' and so forth can no longer dictate the pages of my life to me. Page by page right down to how certain phrases and paragraphs were written. It used to be that I would wake up and I would know that I would go to school and usually find myself drifting into my own thoughts because it wasnt a challenge to me; and without that challenge I did not find the purpose of being there. Other, than that the system said I had to be there.

Since leaving highschool though, I have been able to write my own story. With minimal interference from the outside world. Sure, I still have to work and obey the laws etc. But I've never had a problem with any of that...

I guess what I'm tryng to say is that I'm kinda scared to be social. At heart I've always been a loner. I dont object to being with others, but I never really put any effort into making sure that I am with someone. One of those, "Oh, you wanna hang out? We're going somewhere? Ok" type of deals.

As I set forth into this new world where the rules are no longer set I find that really I want someone special to share it with. Someone who will wrap their arms around me tell me that I'm more than enough for them, but will still make me want to be more. Do more. Yet I'm scared stiff of leaving the house to go find someone like that. New people just... scare me, they are unknown a variable in a world that once had to be completely figured out; everyone carefully studied and made to be mundane and pretictable, just so I could survive. Now I'm going to go find people who throw the whole scheme of things out of order. Crazy eh?