Prayers for Bobby

This movie premiered on Liftime not too long ago, two weeks sounds about right. Anyway it was a fantastically good movie! I will admit that it took me three or four days to watch the whole thing.

It was showing on Saturday night, about the same time as another movie I wanted to see, and one that would be more palatable for my family, so I recorded "Prayers for Bobby" and watched the other movie.
Sunday morning I was already in a bit of an emotional state, Megan, a friend of mine that hung herself in her barn our junior year had come for a visit the prievious night. So with that in mind I settled down to watch "Prayers" a movie about how a mother comes to terms with the fact that she drove her gay son to suicide and later becomes a gay rights leader. All while my family was safely away at church.

I would have been ok, if I hadnt connected with Bobby (The son) instantly on a very deep level. The first scene of the movie is a teaser of the climax, where he walks out onto a highway overpass and throws himself over the edge into the path of a huge eighteen wheeler traveling at speed.

Oh I was already crying, maybe twenty seconds in I was starting to go over the edge. I managed to sufficently distract myself by cleaning the kitchen up till the point of the actual suicide. By then I knew that I was on the verge of a massive emotional breakdown. I turned it off. If my family noticed that I had been crying all morning, they thankfully didnt say anything.

Monday morning, between school and work, I watched through the funeral. I have never gone from crying uncontrollably to ready to kill someone so fast!

Bobbys boyfriend, David, offers his condolances to Bobbys parents. Mary (mom and religous fanatic) barely shook his hand. David is barely holding it together as he tells them "He was an amazing young man" and you know what Mary does?! Oh she waits till he leaves and takes the dishes he had used, threw them away and proceeded to scrub her hands! Its lucky I cant throw fire, there might not be a house left!

Well at that point I only had a few minutes before I had to go to work, my mom is getting out of the shower and I'm red-eyed and ready to destroy anyone who even slightly irks me. I turn it off and try to calm down.

Tuesday passes, I'm so stuck in the movie I just cant stop thinking about it. Originally I think that there is no possible way for me to forgive Mary Griffith. (This is based on a real life story) How she could have destroyed such a sweet and charming life! Not even thinking about the fact that its her son, or that what finally threw him off the edge was the explosive end of a relationship that he had cherished! All he had wanted was to be close to his family! But he was unnacceptable. Period. His sister Joy summed it up well when she said "I hope you find a really nice guy, Bobby, but its going to be a very lonely life. You wont be welcome here. Not at Christmas, Thanksgiving, ever."

How the HELL can you do that to your son? The one you were partial to none the less?!

Come Wednesday, I downloaded the movie from Itunes and settled down in my room to watch, while my family thought I was taking a nap. Again another fortunate thought, as dad came to ask me to babysit and attributed the swolen eyes to sleep.

By that night I had seen the whole movie. I had changed my position on Mary's fate after watching the resulting agony and despair that she experienced. I was no longer set on her dammnation, just glad it wasnt up to me, I didnt know what to do. Now? Now after having watched many upon many of times I can honestly say that I do forgive her. I think that what she went through afterwards was pennance enough.

I have since bought the book and am laboring to read through it. I find that but for a few circumstances, Bobby and I are almost the same person.

Bobby was timid, as I usually am in public. Eloquent in his writting in a way that I long to be. In fact, the only real difference I can find between our personalities is that he had an overwhelming need to be accepted by his family. He NEEDED to be close to them, it was the heart of his existence, and its what eventually drove him to the end.

Myself? My attitude there is very different. I stopped taking my parents word for things by the time I was ten. There was a lot going on at the time, and I wasnt always payed close attention too. So I learned how to be independent in regards to many things. I dont need to be close to my family. It would be nice, but I know that if something where to happen, I would be able to survive and find a way without them. Depressing? Incredibly. Also incredibly true.

But the movie brought up a few things that I thought I had made my peace with. Yet, as I discover how much alike Bobby and I are there are a few things that I realize I haven't truely made my peace with. Not completely.

One entry in Bobbys diary describes me so accurately that the paranoid side of myself wonders if someone has been stalking my thoughts and merely presented them in a slightly different person:

"If I could have one thing in this world, anything. I would have a beautiful man to love me. Just to have a pretty man hug and gently kiss me.... I daydream that one day I'll be casualy strolling through the store or the park and from out of nowhere will appear my dream man and our eyes will meet and we'll live happily ever after. Too bad I have to be such a hopeless romantic."

To those that know me, this sounds like something I would say, the wording may be off, but the longing and the feeling, are all the same.

Well, then I think about that comment from Joy, "You'll never be welcome here... ever." I had thought that I was ok with never being able to bring someone special home. Thought being the operative word. I honestly thought that I was ok with cutting off almost all ties with my family. In fact, until after graduation, its what I had wanted. In the intervening year my feelings have changed. Still, I thought I would be ok with never coming home to my family, that I could get along with just his family. Or if need be, just him.

I still think that if need be I can do that, but I realize now that it would really bother me, and it would be a source of discontent in my life regardless of how happily in love I am. It seems this year is just full of astonishing revelations about myself.

This movie, and the book (from what I've been able to read thus far) were very skillfully put together. Ryan Kelley, who plays Bobby, was perfect wonderful! I feel that even if I had read the book before seeing the movie I would have no trouble visualizing Ryan as Bobby. He really got into the acting and he did such a wonderful job! He has officially moved to the top of my list of favorite actors! (As you can all tell by the fact that I remember his name!)

Scott Bailey, was absolutely stunning in his performance of David. Bobbys boyfriend. They didnt really give him much of a part to work with, they cast it as a small role, but he made it seem like a giant thing. I'm sure it was for Bobby. He came home from the visit to Portland, where they met and told his mom, despite her best efforts to stop him, "His name is David, and he treats me well. It feels good when I'm with David."

An interesting fact that gives him so many more points in my book, he's straight. But he did such an amazing job being the boyfriend, honestly the relationship those two depict is almost everything I want. They really are a gorgeous couple!

He even wrote an essay on the movie and gave it to Lifetime. Its truely amazing and I think everyone should read it! Heres a link: http://www.afterelton.com/blog/brianjuergens/straight-actor-gay-education-scott-bailey-on-his-prayers-for-bobby-experience

My heart goes out to all the actors and crewmembers that worked on this film! Thank you soo verry much for all of your thought love and effort! It was a truely monumental thing that you did! Mary, thank you for sharing your story, and for your patience with all of us who are too quick to judge. I love you, every last one of you!

(As an afterthought, All of the photos here are from http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/movies/photos-prayers-bobby#id=1 I really aplaud everyone who worked on this!)